This is my essay for my school article. I'll be highly obliged if anyone helps.
The busy city life often abandon's one from the nature's inevitable beauty. Eventhough me & my family do not get quality of time to spend with each other but we enjoy each and every minute we get to it's fullest.
Once I visited Hyderabad in India with my parents and grandparents. Later my cousins joined us there. I cherish those memories and time spent with my family till date. I visited and saw many beautiful places. I visited a lake known as 'Husain Sagar'. It was such a beauty with a statue of ' Gautam Buddha' built in the midst which enhanced it's beauty. The city is decorated with trees and greeneries which adds to it's freshness and makes the climate very easily adaptable. The food is also very different in the city and also the nature of people which is very humble and sweet. I visited a garden called 'Lubini Park' which had been really adventurous not only for me but also for all those people who were with me. It was indeed a memorable visit. I visited it with my uncle and cousins. It was an unplanned visit which saved our lives. We weren't to visit the park but the lazer show instead, but changed our minds because my uncle insisted. It was only then we came to know about the blast fiasco, which had occured the exact moment when we changed our minds to Lubini Park at the eleventh hour, when we returned back home on a news channel. Ofcourse it was a stroke of luck which saved our lives.
One more adventure which I had in the same town when I guided my grandpa home. Actually it was a fine morning in Hyderabad, me and my grandfather started for a walk since my grandfather loves to have walks. It was a indeed a wonderful walk with him as he told me his old stories and experiences. We enjoyed the cold breeze and the misty air. But soon in our amusement we lost our way and got confused. The town was new for both of us and we didn't knew where to go or which way to take. But since I've been quite observing, I knew some landmarks to our house. And so I guided him the way and soon we were enjoying breakfast with my family and sharing our adventurous walk.
We also visited India's most famous filmcity known as 'Ramoji Filmcity'. The visit had been my time of life which I spent with my cousins and family. We had many rides, learned how things work at bollywood and other things too. They also demonstrated how they bombard a building in films and how they create false houses and villages for shootings. They were having all a virtual world made up in their area which we toured through a bus. We visited a magic cum ghost house which was really hilarious and scary as well. They have very well built 3D and featured rides too, from which one is 'Ramoji Tower'. One feels as if the whole filmcity is being attacked by some terrorists or something when you ride it's elevator which is really outstandingly featured 3D view with the whole city being perished in front of your eyes but soon your eyes decieve you when you come out of the tower, as everything's fine as normal. The tower was the best part of my whole visit to the film city.
I always cherish my visit to Hyderabad and wish to visit once again in my life time.
This is my write which I've got to submit in tommorow's class. I need an urgent help. Any help will be appreciable. Thanking yoy in anticipation!
Lovely essay, though I think you can write a better introductory paragraph.
Would appreciate it if you could check my work :)
Comment: #2: Comment: [/b]"Eventhough me & my family do not get quality of time to spend with each other but we enjoy each and every minute we get to it's fullest." this sentence irks me
"We weren't to visit the park but the lazer show instead, but changed our minds because my uncle insisted." this too
"It was only then we came to know about the blast fiasco, which had occured the exact moment when we changed our minds to Lubini Park at the eleventh hour, when we returned back home on a news channel" this too
One more adventure which I had in the same town when I guided my grandpa home. Actually it was a fine morning in Hyderabad, me and my grandfather started for a walk since my grandfather loves to have walks[/b ] this too
[b]It was a indeed a wonderful walk with him as he told me his old stories and experiences. - It is upto you to decide but it can be frame like this : We really enjoyed walking together & meanwhile while walking my grandfather shared his personal experiences & old true stories which can guide us how to live our life in proper manner for example be always a good planner before executing some thing like this...
"it's elevator which is really outstandingly featured 3D view with the whole city being perished in front of your eyes but soon your eyes decieve you when you come out of the tower, as everything's fine as normal" this too
I'm really sorry Amit but I didn't actually catch up with what you're trying to teach. I mean just pointing that something 'irks' you doesn't actually helps a person. Well anyway thanks for your precious comment...
It would be so kind of u if u suggest me a new introductory part. Thank u
We weren't to visit the park
Not grammatical correct?
Ofcourse it was
There is no such word as 'ofcourse.' Plus - there should be a comma, so: "Of course, it was..."
Thanks a ton ace you are a gr8 help.
Stephenie, the sentence formation by you marked in red by me seems to me incorrect.The sentence marked in blue was corrected by me besides that marked sentence.
It will be fine if you read red sentence you will come to know what mistakes you did. I can understand your feelings while writing those sentence but your teacher will never.
Irks means - annoying/irritating
Actually I know what you meant by your bolded letters but the thing is one must point out what's 'irking' you in the given sentence. That'll be more specific I guess. I know the meaning of irking already, you needn't define it. Thank you
A Visit to a village in Konkan
This year after final exam my mom was planning for my summer vacation. My Mom said,”Ishwari, your Dad and I have decided for an outing in your summer vacations to a place you wish to see.” I promptly replied,”Mom, we always visit various tourist places in my vacations. This time, I want to visit our native place in Konkan as I want to experience village life in summer.” Mom and Dad readily agreed to my wish.
I was very happy and eager to visit my native place, since I will get a chance to meet my grandparents. I packed my clothes and books for reading. Dad surprised me by saying that we would be travelling by our car. Finally the day had come to start our journey. I got up very early on the day since I was very excited. We started our journey at 6:00 AM. I was informed by my parents that we would reach the destination by 3.00 PM. I decided to enjoy the journey to full extent.
Though it was summer, weather on the travel day was pleasant in the morning. We had few halts during our journey for fueling and lunch etc. Usually my Dad drives the car however I was very glad to see my Mom driving car on highway.
Finally we reached the final phase of our journey in Konkan. There were large fields of yellow flowers on the both sides of the road. There was greenery all around. I also saw some scarecrows in the fields. There was no noise, no traffic and air pollution on the village roads. I insisted my Dad that I wanted to take photographs of this scenery and walk on the road for some time. I took many photos and cherished the moment.
When we reached our house in village, I grabbed my bag and ran to meet my grandparents. They were very happy to see me. It was a surprise for them too. My grandparent’s big house is surrounded by many big trees of jackfruits, mangoes and coconuts with abundance of fruits. There is a well in the backyard. I started informing about our journey to my grandparents. My parents were tired so that had a nap. I was very charged after reaching there, therefore did not sleep. My grandmother gave me some mangoes to eat from our farm. The mangoes were very big in size and tasted awesome. After some time a girl came to our house. My grandmother introduced her to me. Her name was Karuna. We played for some time. Later I showed her some story books and my summer vacation studies to her. During my stay at village, Karuna taught me how to play game, Lagori. We also played swing on the roots of the Banyan tree. I enjoyed this natural swing. She also showed me how to play with a tyre and a stick. Run after the tyre and spin it using the stick. I had great fun playing with her.
My grandmother cooked delicious traditional dishes, which all of us enjoyed a lot. The aroma of the food was very nice. The food was scrumptious. I relished it.
My grandfather showed me a school in the village. I felt sorry to see the school was not in good condition and considered myself lucky to have a very good school in city. I requested by father to give some donation to school to which he agreed.
Later I accompanied my aaji to milk the cows and buffalos. I also enjoyed sitting on the back of buffalo. I was very frightened initially but enjoyed it later. I saw my grandmother milking the cow. The milk was very tasty. I also watched the cow grazing. I also saw a day old calf at our neighbour’s place. It was a very nice experience for me. My father took me at the riverside to take a bath. The water was very clean. It was cold but was not polluted. I played with my father in the water for some time.
I met Karuna and her school friends. We all read books and played different games.
I enjoyed my stay at our village with my grandparents .It was full of activities and field trips. I felt sad while saying good bye to my aaji and ajoba. My dad assured me that we will visit aaji again in Diwali vacation.
I realised that during this stay at aaji’s place I had neither watched televison nor played video games. These days at my native place were very enjoyable. On last day, Karuna brought some flowers for me and I reciprocated by giving my lovely story books to her. I promised her that I would visit here again during Diwali vacation for 10 days. I had plenty of fun. These 2 days were memorable.
Finally I thanked my parents for a very wonderful vacation at my village.
Leave your vote
Total votes: 25
Upvotes percentage: 60.000000%
Downvotes percentage: 40.000000%